Loving the ‘I’ in ‘We’

I’ve had the good fortune to be able to see not a few romantic couples in my lifetime.

There is an interesting dynamic to couples in general, mostly in the qualities and characteristics possessed by each partner in the relationship. Certainly no two couples are alike. But I think there might be rules one might be able to write about couples—same sex couples, that is (you didn’t think this was going to be about straight couples, did you?).

The next time you’re out in a mall, out to dinner, at a club, roaming the streets of wherever you happen to call home, watch the any gay couple. It doesn’t matter the age, though it might. Notice a trend in the two, no matter whether they are male or female. What I see is that gay men and women tend to gravitate toward those who are very similar to themselves.

Style of dress, taste in music, food preferences, academic and professional levels of accomplishment—these of course are the easy things, and they happen to become more aligned over time. What is more compelling, to me, is that gay men and women seem to like those who look—wait for it—like themselves. Seeing couples that look like brothers, or even sisters, isn’t far fetched. It’s more normal than you might think.

The second thing I notice is somewhat an extension of the first observation. Besides looking for someone who is, in so many ways, much like him or herself, gay men and women want a best friend. Sure, even Barack refers to Michelle as his best friend. But they do things apart from each other, and maintain their own circles of friends, their own specific activities. There are distinctive differences in the actions and behaviors, the tastes and the tendencies.

Gay couples tend to be best friends. Separate evolution of the self isn’t as pronounced in homosexual relationships. Activities are done together, time spent with each other is almost overwhelming—but in a good way. Gay couples are indeed made of best friends, similar in so many ways, knowing each other better than any other, most available is time spent together.

So I can’t help but say that it is at least interesting, and at the very least narcissistic, that what can be said about gay men and women is that they fall in love with themselves—or someone just like it. They put the ‘I’ in ‘We’ and do so wholeheartedly.

So where does that leave someone like myself? I know me, and I don’t want someone like me. Some things can match, for sure they must. But on the whole, Im not attracted to someone who is more often introverted, who is more often to himself, more often thinking and pondering, more often conservative and lacking in spontaneity, lacking a certain touch and a certain style.

Someone once told me I’ll be able to find someone I deserve. Then that person and 3 others told me the type of person I deserve is someone like me. I know me, and I don’t want someone like me. I like my complimentary opposite. But the observations say Im stuck with different. And so does everyone else.

Fuck that. I get what I want.